Douche Nozzle of the Millenium – Jesse James

So the Tiger Woods sex scandal was pretty crazy, epecially because you just weren’t expecting him to be a sex freak with all the dirty sexting and him getting on his ambien freak and everything. For me it wasn’t the volume of women, it was the sordid details that kind of shocked me.  And I have always said, after 911 shocking me is next to impossible. Not that any of this sex scandal stuff is more shocking than 911, please don’t get me wrong…it’s just that I read or hear about some of it and actually am taken aback.  Actually I look at it and think, “Wow. Now that’s some crazy shit!” and not a lot makes me think that these days.

So Tiger, he’s a douche, yes. He fucked up his marriage, he disrespected his family – you might even say he ruined his family. He brought 2 children into this world and fucked them over. He’s an ass of epic proportions. 

But Jesse James…it just keeps getting more and more fucked up.  First, there’s the Heil Hitler picture that’s now out there. 

Evidently it’s from before he and Sandy were married. It’ sick, whether it was a joke or not. Who jokes about Hitler? A seriously fucked-in-the-head individual is who.

The shit obviously started hitting  the fan when Michelle “Bombshell” McGee stepped forward as whore #1 and now we’re not only up to #5, but we’re gonna throw a foursome with 2 bitches and a dude into the mix.  And Jesse James & the dude taking turns on the one woman named “skittles” (could a porn company actually write this story?) and Jesse wasn’t even wearing a condom – and the other dude thinks maybe he, himself tied off the finger of a latex glove but even he’s not sure about that…now that’s some shit that makes me think, “what the fuck is wrong with people? Seriously.”

You look at that shit and think, “Why?” Well, probably because Sandy Bullock is a normal, sweet lady. She’s probably not a whore in the bedroom.  She might try to be, knowing that her husband was married to a porn star, so she probably pulled out her best ho moves, but women like Sandy Bullock don’t have that deep down dirty shit in their repertoire that can satisfy a man-whore like Jesse James.   Apparently he’s the kind of guy who wants not only a whore in the bedroom, but now it’s becoming clear he just likes filthy whores anywhere he can get them.

Check the article at The Huff-Post for the gory details. Beware, as if it were possible to have any respect remaining for Jesse James, any iota that even the most disgusting pig has toward him will be gone after you read this. He’s simply the douche nozzle of the millenium as far as I’m concerned.

Come out to play and Douche Nozzle of the Week

It’s only Tuesday and we’re being inundated with the gays coming out of the closet! Well, so far only 2 that I know of but who didn’t already call it on Sean Hayes? Come on – you’re blind and deaf if you didn’t know Sean was a boy lover. And he does say that he was never actually “in” so I don’t know why this makes news. Anyhoo…..

In other gay news, Douche Nozzle of the week is Sen. Roy Ashburn came out as a gay man (duh) after being arrested on a DUI when leaving a gay bar with a man in his vehicle.  What you have to love is the fact that this douche nozzle legislated time and again AGAINST gay people. It’s a political thing, I guess – you want to be a Republican so you have to do what all the other thugs do.  I wonder if a guy like this, while getting a BJ from some dude, is dreaming up all the ways he can relinquish his own civil rights by writing and fighting for legislation to take them away.

 And seriously? Look at this guy! Is there even a question in anyone’s mind that he was ever IN the closet?

Since they’re jumping out right and left wearing their mother’s New Year’s Eve dress and satin pumps, let’s talk about some others who are on the fringe who should just get it out there and let everyone  stop wondering and get on with their lives. Next week I would like to see Anderson Cooper, Kate Walsh (and her husband), and my entire college softball team (a couple are out, a couple are in lesbian relationships and not “out” somehow, and a couple are married with kids. I think I was the only one not gay and they picked on me all the time.)

So kids, come on out – it’s time to play!

Douchenozzle of the Week – the kids are probably next.

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No shit.  Jon Gosselin (one of my least – favoritest peeps)  is giving his dogs back to the breeder because he says Kate is not taking care of them. Blame Kate, she’s just the mother of your eight beautiful children you motherfucking douchebag!!

Here are 2 of the reasons JonnyG is not able to be out and about bangin’ bitches 24/7, so why not just get rid of them?

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It started with Kate: she was his #1 barrier so he dumped her ass and got his own NYC bachelor pad. Next the 2 dogs get the boot. Before you know it, he will claim it’s better off for everyone if he just erases himself from the equation. And, honestly, I’m thinking those kids might be better off without a DoucheBag Dad in their lives.

Again I will point out the epitome of fine parenting skills, and those are the ones clearly displayed by the Parents of the Jonai. They have done a fantastic job as far as I can see – keep up the good work Mom and Dad Jonas – you cats rock!!

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picture via jonashq.org

Douche Nozzle of the Millenium

Dick face say what?? This is just too much. Evidently, Jon Gosselin has been invited to host a pool party at MGM Grand’s Wet Republic.  An announcement was sent saying “America’s favorite father” would be at the party for “a little R&R and will be hosting poolside.”

I’ve yet to  confirm this on the MGM site but People among other mags are reporting it.

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All I can say is if this is America’s Favorite Father we’re in deep shit. This motherfucker ditched his wife and EIGHT (8) children to run around banging bitches and drinking and smoking up ciggies. And his main Ho is a pothead! This ain’t any type of father I’d wish for in a zillion years. 

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The type of father Jon Gosselin should aspire to be is the type that My Joe Jonas has. It’s very clear the man has done all he can to raise his sons to be good men.

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WTF Paris Hilton – For Real??? AKA Douche Nozzle of the Week

I’m always a day late on the news b/c I read/hear it then let it soak in for a day before I feel like saying something about it. I guess it takes a bit for my anger about some things to wear off before I decide to tackle it. So I look at Perez Hilton yesterday and see Paris Hilton has had a $325,000 house built for her fucking dogs. REALLY? The house I live in with my husband, kids and 1 dog cost ran us just a hair under that.

Here’s the canine crib:

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First off, if my pet had his own house, he wouldn’t ever be in it because he loves his people, loves to play and basically just sit with us.  Because real, loving pet owners take care of their own pets and hang around with them. We don’t carry them around as accessories, and we don’t build a nearly half a million dollar house for them because that is seriously one of the most asinine things someone could ever do.

How about taking a page from the Book of Jonai, Princess Hilton, and take some of that excess cash you’ve got and place it generously into the hands of some worthwhile charities. How about donating some of it to an animal shelter, the Humane Society, PETA, or something of real value. Stop being such a fucking asshole and wake up.

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Douche Nozzle of the Week

Well, well, well.

Mr. Morning News Anchor.

Likes to get drunk and drive around.

And when he gets stopped by the Po-Po, Mr. Morning News Anchor has his belt undone and his pants unbuttoned. 

And when Mr. Morning News Anchor realizes he is in really deep fucking shit, he gets smart and thinks he’s gonna be able to grab his car keys out of the sheriff’s hand and run away.

Poor, dumb ass Mr. Morning News Anchor.

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Good luck finding a new job dipshit. DRINK UP!!! You can read the rest of this asshole’s story here.

What I saw today…

All of my “What I saw today” posts have been things I’ve witnessed in person. This time, I am happy to report that I saw this on the internet. Thank fucking god. Just when I think I’m beyond being able to be shocked, someone surfaces in the world to slap me in the face and say, “Bitch, it ain’t over yet!”

Meet George Kistner.

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and I really like this look:

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This beauty of an individual would like to offer free oral sex to any women who meet his requirements. He’s a cunnilinguist, evidently, and loves to practice his art form. Some conditions apply, such as: you must be cute, disease free, own a clean-smelling vagina, agree to be naked while he is performing the free oral sex, etc.

You can find out more info about George here, such as the fact that he also answers to the names Vampire Lord and God.  He also has a tattoo on his chest of a Burning Sigil of Baphomet. Google searches on the aforementioned turned up a plethora of blog posts regarding George’s website.

I can’t bring this one around to My Joe Jonas without making myself look bad so here’s a picture of him. Ok. I’ll say it. If Joe had the same website as George my application would have been sent in last week. There. Happy?

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Douche Nozzle of the Week

from the old format posted 9/12/08 1:08pm EST

Douche Nozzle of the Week

Folks, meet Reverend Christopher Layden, a Catholic priest. If it seems like you are looking at mug shots, don’t worry…your mind is not playing tricks on you, these are mug shots. Yes, of a Catholic Priest. The crime this time around? This douche was arrested for selling cocaine out of the rectory. Yep, fucking cocaine. Out of a rectory. You did read that correctly.

Can we not institute a more rigorous seminary course for people training to teach Christian beliefs? While I have no idea as to the preaching prowess of the Rev., I gotta say, whether he is an unbelievable priest or not delivering the most powerful sermon this side of Heaven, I have a feeling God would frown upon the extra-curricular activities going on with this guy.

Now, how about this – try this one on for size: A gorgeous and talented guy in the spotlight, with legions of adoring if not obsessed fans, has taken a pledge to abstain from drugs. Someone living the rock star life, with no intent to harm his nor anyone else’s body or mind with illegal substances. People in the spotlight often have followers – some of them declare themselves to be righteous and holy, and some of them actually are…like My Joe Jonas. Maybe more people, priests included, should aspire to the ideals and lifestyle choices made, and examples set forth by people like the Jonas brothers. Amen and Hallelujah!

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