American Idol week 2 – The Guys

So last night was pretty dull overall. It started and ended well, but the middle was crap. Here’s the re-cap and who I think will be voted out tonight (this is not the order they performed in):

1. Michael Lynche – “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” (James Brown) First off, I hate this song. HATE it. But I love Michael Lynche. I loved the package that ran that showed him curling Aaron Kelly and bench pressing over 500lbs. WHAT?? So being that I like him, I thought he did a great job with a song I hate.  He stays.

2. Casey James – “I don’t wanna be” (Gavin DeGraw)  I think we can safely say this is a classic song. Few people could do it like Gavin, who totally rocks. I am a fan of Casey, but last night I agreed with Kara who told him that for her, he took 2 steps back. He came out as a guitar player who sang a song. I thought he kicked ass with some mad guitar skills, but the singing took back seat no doubt and that’s not what you do on a singing show. Nonetheless, he stays.

3. Aaron Kelly – “My Girl” – cute twink boy, so lacking in self-confidence. Should not have made the season and needs to do some school theater to log some performance time then maybe try this again in 5 years. He wobbled thru an old song when he should be trying some more contemporary stuff – He’s on shaky ground but he stays this week.

4. Lee DeWyze – “Lips of an Angel” He did a solid job, but something about his eyes creeps me out a little. Like he could snap at any moment. He stays.

5. Alex Lambert – “Everybody Knows” (John Legend) – Usually the looks of the guys doesn’t bug me. In this case, it totally does. WTF is up with the mullet? OMG. I was looking more at his hair than paying attention to his singing, but I thought he did ok. He evidently threw up before last week’s performance so I hope he starts feeling better about being on a show like this because he actually can sing. He stays.

6. Andrew Garcia -  ”You Got Somethin” (James Morrison) I loved when this kid did “Straight Up” during the first Hollywood week. Since he’s been on the voting shows, he’s been very unforgettable to me. I really like him though,so I hope he starts pulling it out soon. He’s not the best looking kid and his style is a little …meh…so he needs to use his voice next week. He stays.

7. John Park – “Gravity” (John Mayer) I don’t even remember this at all. No idea who this kid even is.

8. Tim Urban ”Come On, Get High” (Matt Nathanson) This is a good looking kid, but he needs a haircut in the worst way – I am not a fan of the surf boy hair or whatever that style is. It looks like a mop on the kids head and whenever I watch him, I constantly push my own hair out of my face - it just makes me uncomfortable so it’s hard to focus on what he’s doing. I can see he has gorgeous eyes, so when he gets rid of the mop, you’ll be able to see the eyes and maybe connect more with him. I still think he did a good job with the guitar and the song, but he may be gone tonight. He’s lucky he wasn’t gone last week.

9. Jermaine Sellers “What’s Goin’ On” (Marvin Gaye) – Just the fact that he rocks the onesie gets him one more week. He needs to shape up or next week will be his last.

10. Todrick Hall “What’s Love Got To Do With It.” Tina Turner – I didn’t like this at all, and didn’t like what he did last week. I think he’s done.

Douche Nozzle of the Week

Christian Bale is mad. I think someone really REALLY needs some anger management classes.

The  story is, he was filming Terminator last summer and the Director of Photography walked onto the set behind the director during a scene. Consquently, Christian Bale totally lost it. Totally. Lost. It.

I’ve been hearing the excuse that the scene was super intense and the distraction was just too much for him. Also that he’s a method actor and he was in character. Whatever. It’s all bullshit. As far as I know, the Director of Photography who, thanks to Christian Bale has a new asshole, is no less important to the movie set than is Bale. Paid much much less, but no less important. And, I might add, he’s also a person. This guy probably has a wife, maybe some children, he’s definitely someone’s son, maybe someone’s brother, etc. Just like Mr. Bale himself. Too bad Christian Bale feels he is so much more important than other people.

You’ve all heard the 4 minute rant so I really don’t think posting it here is necessary. However, what I do think is necessary is for everyone to make sure Christian Bale realizes how ridiculous he is and that he has a serious problem. So here’s my favorite blogger having some fun with a “Bale Out!!” YAY!!

As for someone who most likely would never think he was more important than someone enough to verbally abuse them for over 4 minutes with close to 40 F-bombs…of course, My Prince – My Joe Jonas. He’s too beautiful to be so obscene.  And you know he doesn’t take himself seriously…he’s going to be in Walter the Farting Dog for God’s sake!!

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JoBros 3D movie out February 27th!

 


You KNOW this blogger, of course, will be front and center at the JoBros 3D movie with my 3D glasses and my photographic memory, so that I can relive the scenes with My Joe Jonas over and over and over again in my mind. Do you think people will think I’m weird that I’ll be alone, as in – no tweens, no teens, etc. I don’t need anyone bugging me while I watch.


I also will be DVR’ing the JoBros on SNL on Valentine’s Day. How wonderful is this Valentine’s day going to be?…My Joe Jonas, SNL, maybe I will have a couple of chocolates. I don’t know – I haven’t really thought that far ahead to be making concrete plans yet….but I will.


Check this out:
am1


Nothing to do with the movie, but pure gorgeousness.

Single Ladies…wow you’re gonna wanna check this out!

I just posted about Shane Mercado dancing the shit out of the choreography for Beyonce’s Single Ladies. Well ladies and gentlemen, I have been presented with some new information. Witness in all his glory, Cubby from 96.1 The Beat in Charlotte also dancing the shit out of the choreography for Single Ladies. However, when I say dancing the shit out of, I believe I mean that literally, and unfortunately for Cubby, the shit made its way from his ass to his frank and beans area. You will find yourself amazed at the size and shape of Cubby’s tummy, you may wonder if Cubby is pregnant, and you will definitely look at the gigantic bag dangling underneath his stomach. He IS wearing a leotard, however, the bag or whatever is very prominent. There can only be a few reasonable explanations for this.

A) He has elephantitis of the testicles,

B) He has shat himself in a very big and disgusting way,

C) His Buffalo Bill tucking skills leave much to be desired.

I bet Cubby goes through a new pair of boxers every day. A nutsack of those proportions would rip out even a quadruple reinforced crotch area. Cubby needs to get a bra for his balls. An over the shoulder nutsack holder. Witness the magic that is Cubby and his bag of something.

Let’s take a peek again at My Joe Jonas dancing in a much more conservative outfit with a much less prominent ball sack.

All kinds of moves

I saw the original video of this guy dancing in his bedroom, and not having seen the Beyonce video I didn’t get it. Still thought the guy had moves but didn’t get it.

Then I saw this. He was on the Bonnie Hunt show yesterday with a green screen playing the video behind him. How the eff this guy learned these dance moves this quickly is beyond my realm of comprehension. Then again, I couldn’t win a dance off with a one-legged deaf Baptist.

Anyhoo, Here’s Shane Mercado dancing the entire video. Amazing. I bet he’s not gonna be dancing in his bedroom alone anymore.

Of course, what kind of Single Ladies post would this be without the parody done on SNL last weekend featuring Beyonce herself and Justin Timberlake, however NBC has removed any sign of it, so here’s someone’s creation using parts of it and the original Beyonce video.

And here’s a cute video I found showcasing My Joe Jonas’ dance skills.

 

 

Making up after our first fight.

So, amidst all of the press garnered by the break up of the relationship that “never was” between My Joe Jonas and Taylor Swift, Joe has taken to the boys’ official MySpace blog to clear some things up for all of us worrying about the situation and for some of us who may have thought less of him because of it…I think he read my blog entry about our first fight and wrote this for me:

Thursday, November 13, 2008

 

A LETTER TO OUR FANS
Category:
Life

To Our Fans from Joe, Kevin and Nick:

It is our normal rule to avoid talking about our private lives. It seems that it has come to the point where we must address a few things. We would prefer to address these things and then leave it alone from that point forward.

We felt like it was important to respond because recent events have affected our fans. It is important to us as artists and brothers to enlighten regarding this situation. Our fans are the most important thing to us.

There are rumors and suggestions that are being publicized in the press right now about us. Like all people our age we are trying to find someone special that we can share time with in our busy lives. We all have busy schedules and high demands. We love our life and are thankful for all that we have. We are simply stating that it is difficult to maintain relationships with the kind of life we live.

We love our fans and it is important to us to protect that relationship.

To Our Fans from Joe:

This blog is not an attack of anyone. Anytime you are in a relationship for any length of time there are going to be issues. Sometimes they resolve. Other times they lead to a change of heart. This was the case recently.

Several things I will state with all my heart…

I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me.

For those who have expressed concern over the “27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. A phone call can be pretty short when someone else ends the call. The only difference in this conversation was that I shared something the other person did not want to hear.

There were later attempts at communication that had no response.

I wish the best for the other person but could not sit back any longer and leave our fans with a wrong impression of the truth.

Hope this helps enlighten a little.

We love you and miss you

Joe, Kevin and Nick

Well, if it’s true that she hung up the phone on his ass then she needs to quit bitching about it.

I still think he needs to stop with the dating of his twin…The total Total Fucking Gorgeousness would just be too much for a person to handle if there were 2 Joes walking around.

eyebrowlove1

Plus, if things worked out and they got married and procreated, the eyebrows on that kid would be ridiculous. A gorgeous kid with ridiculous eyebrows that would need to be groomed on the way out of the womb. No, my Sweet, better to end things with her now and find someone who looks less like you and more like me. Oh wait. Did I say that? Oops.

That other one could perhaps join the group as a sister – oh that’s right, they already did that:

Our first fight.

So it was bound to happen. My Joe Jonas has fallen off the pedestal I’ve had him on for months. There he was, secretly dating the country cutie Taylor Swift, when all of a sudden, he calls her up and in a 20-something second phone call, breaks up with her and breaks her heart. Well, that’s what boys do. It’s what they’re good at. 

She came right out with a video with that seemingly addressed the situation. Cute. Next, she went on different shows talking about it, not in a demeaning way, but just saying that she was going to date boys she could be seen with in public.  She told Ellen Degeneris, “You know what it’s like, when I find that person that is right for me, he’ll be wonderful. … When I look at that person, I’m not even going to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18. … I looked at the call log — it was like 27 seconds. That’s got to be a record.”

Then she made another video. In this one, she makes reference to the phone call by holding up the Shane Camp Rock doll and say, “Look – this one even comes with a phone so he can break up with other dolls.” And later holds up his doll and one of her telling her to stay away from him. Really cute. And heartbreaking.

The news comes out now that the girl The JoBros asked to be in their Love Bug video, Camilla Belle (from 10,000 BC) is Joe’s new girlfriend. OLDER girlfriend.

That’s great – she’s a beautiful girl. But I have a feeling when the newness wears off, My Joe Jonas is going to kick his own ass into the next week. I think a great rule for dating should be, “Never date someone who could be my sibling.”  In certain circles this is also known as Narcissism.  Oh well. This takes me back to when my mantra was “Boys are Bad!” Looks like things haven’t changed much.

I’m not sure I will really be able to bring shit back around to My Joe Jonas anymore. I don’t have it in me. From here on out, blog posts end after the point is made. Period.

Wow and I thought I wasted time!

Occasionally I check emails and go online during the day, but more often than not I am busy with the house and kids and running to school and stores and dance, etc. So at night when I’m physically exhausted, I dork around on the internet until late. It’s a collosal waste of time so I won’t try to defend my actions as being useful in any way. I play games on pogo, check facebook, look at gossip blogs, write this blog, read emails, look at shit on ebay, check out clothes on Gymboree, whatever.

I recently had a dip wad leave a drive-by comment on my blog. She had 3 words only: “Get a Life.” Ironic, since I am the one writing blog posts intended to entertain, enlighten, engage, enrage, or whatever other feelings I can evoke from my readers. Here was this chick reading blogs and writing bullshit comments then running away.

So I mention all of that only because tonight while watching election coverage I had maybe 27 windows open, alt tabbing between them all, checking this, typing that, like it was my job. Hey the house is clean, the kids are asleep and the hubby is in Philly. I’m making good use of my time.  Anyhow, I came across the end result product made by a guy in France who can really only be described as the world’s largest waster of time. This maniac created an A capella version of Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Please witness the Magic.

 

 

 

 

Someone else who makes fun projects on his computer? You guessed it. My Joe Jonas. His probably don’t take anywhere near the 350 hours spent on the above masterpiece, but they are entertaining nonetheless.

Enjoy:

more about “MySpaceTV Videos: François Macré – Th…“, posted with vodpod

Oh Boy!!!! WTF Happened to THAT guy??!!

Let me preface this by saying that at no time in my life did I find Boy George attractive. However, he did his own thing and it was sometimes cutting edge, sometimes really wacky, but always different.

All I can say after seeing this recent picture is, WTF Happened to that guy??!! There’s clearly no Boy left in George…he’s all growed up now. Wow.

While I’m being a judgemental a-hole, WTF Happened to THIS guy?

 

He must have been running and tripped and fell into a river of lusciousness. Hot DAMN that man is gorgeous.

Madonna’s Marriage Contract. Hmmmmm……..

Well why didn’t I think of that?????? Evidently this contract which is said to have been drawn up a couple of years ago has some pretty specific conditions that Guy Ritchie was to have met. I have read little thus far about conditions placed on Her Madgesty.

The document gave intimate instructions such as how much private time the couple should have together, how often they were to have sex and how to tackle arguments.

According to Britain’s The Sun newspaper the document ordered Guy to “Work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual wellbeing,” and devote time to reading texts related to Kabbalah, the mystical offshoot of Judaism which Madonna follows.

On sex, the marriage rules state both of the couple should “devote time to our sexual expressiveness” and “not use sex as a stick to beat one another”.

The rules also detailed how Guy should “resolve conflicts in a constructive way”, and if they were arguing he must not shout at his wife, but look her in the eye and say: “I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this.”

Now there’s a contract term I could totally get behind. I have a hubby who won’t argue. He flat our refused 14 years ago when we were 2 months into our relationship and got a load of my debate skills. Since then he is no fun. He lets me win most issues. He knows I’m right, though so who could blame him…smart guy.

I probably would have to add a few things to a contract based on my experience. Here would be some of my terms:

1. Stinky Hockey equipment and clothing should be left at least 20 yards away from house and vehicles. (I never again want to follow the hockey scent into the laundry room, open the door and be hit with the stench like a brick wall. Why does hockey stuff smell so bad????)

2. Mtn. Bike equipment should at no time be placed into the ungodly expensive washing machine. (which happened the second week we owned it and the equipment got destroyed in there.)

3. Any clothing having been worn outside to work or play in and that contains actual pieces of mud and dirt should be thrown away or washed at a laundromat, not in the ungodly expensive washing machine. (which is a phrase repeated constantly)

4. Try to purchase something other than the DVD of Superbad for your wedding anniversary. (It’s true. My 12th anniversary – I had a beautiful carved picture frame made for him with our names and a little thing I wrote embossed in it. From him I got Superbad, which, don’t get me wrong is a GREAT movie. Just….not for the anniversary.)

5. Stop purchasing cards that say “To someone special” for your wife’s birthday. (Yeah this bullshit happened a couple of times. )

Other than that, I have a great hubby so I really can’t complain. If not for the stinky hockey stuff really things would be perfect.

It’s late and I can’t bring this one back around to My Joe Jonas. I think I’m losing my touch, but you know I have to throw in a totally gorge photo of him. Let me just say that I’m sure he will marry someone where such contracts and demands will be unnecessary. Hopefully. Don’t marry a controlling bitch ever, Joe. She’ll emasculate you, destroying your manhood. Marry a nice girl and be happy. There. I did it.

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