Douchenozzle of the Week – the kids are probably next.

293_gosselin_glassman_071409

No shit.  Jon Gosselin (one of my least – favoritest peeps)  is giving his dogs back to the breeder because he says Kate is not taking care of them. Blame Kate, she’s just the mother of your eight beautiful children you motherfucking douchebag!!

Here are 2 of the reasons JonnyG is not able to be out and about bangin’ bitches 24/7, so why not just get rid of them?

goss dogs

It started with Kate: she was his #1 barrier so he dumped her ass and got his own NYC bachelor pad. Next the 2 dogs get the boot. Before you know it, he will claim it’s better off for everyone if he just erases himself from the equation. And, honestly, I’m thinking those kids might be better off without a DoucheBag Dad in their lives.

Again I will point out the epitome of fine parenting skills, and those are the ones clearly displayed by the Parents of the Jonai. They have done a fantastic job as far as I can see – keep up the good work Mom and Dad Jonas – you cats rock!!

headerimage_01x02

picture via jonashq.org

Child Brides

How could this type of thing happen? How could a parent sell their child – no matter what kind of financial distress their family is under. Aren’t babies and children miracles? Gifts from God? I think they are!

I just came across an article that has turned my stomach. How could anyone allow this to happen to their precious daughter? What sick son of a bitch marries a little girl like this, let alone gets her pregnant and then does not demand that she get proper medical treatment? I would hope Karma comes to the parents and husband of this precious twelve year old girl. Karma that comes in the form of what she went through times ten. It still wouldn’t be enough.

AMMAN, Jordan (CNN) — A 12-year-old Yemeni girl, who was forced into marriage, died during a painful childbirth that also killed her baby, a children’s rights group said Monday.

Fawziya Ammodi struggled for three days in labor, before dying of severe bleeding at a hospital on Friday, said the Seyaj Organization for the Protection of Children.

“Although the cause of her death was lack of medical care, the real case was the lack of education in Yemen and the fact that child marriages keep happening,” said Seyaj President Ahmed al-Qureshi.

Born into an impoverished family in Hodeidah, Fawziya was forced to drop out of school and married off to a 24-year-old man last year, al-Qureshi said.

Child brides are commonplace in Yemen, especially in the Red Sea Coast where tribal customs hold sway. Hodeidah is the fourth largest city in Yemen and an important port.

More than half of all young Yemeni girls are married off before the age of 18 — many times to older men, some with more than one wife, a study by Sanaa University found.

While it was not immediately known why Fawziya’s parents married her off, the reasons vary. Sometimes, financially-strapped parents offer up their daughters for hefty dowries.

Marriage means the girls are no longer a financial or moral burden to their parents. And often, parents will extract a promise from the husband to wait until the girl is older to consummate the marriage.

Children’s organization UNICEF issued a statement Monday saying: “Child marriages violate the rights of children in the most deplorable way. The younger the girl is when she becomes pregnant, the greater the health risks for her and her baby.

“Girls who give birth before the age of 15 are five times more likely to die in childbirth than women in their 20s. Child marriage denies girls of their childhood, deprives them of an education and robs them of their innocence.”

“More must be done to address the underlying causes in order to prevent tragic deaths like those of 12-year-old Fawziya and her baby,” the statement added.

The issue of Yemeni child brides came to the forefront in 2008 with 10-year-old Nujood Ali.

She was pulled out of school and married to a man who beat and raped her within weeks of the ceremony.

To escape, Nujood hailed a taxi — the first time in her life — to get across town to the central courthouse where she sat on a bench and demanded to see a judge.

After a well-publicized trial, she was granted a divorce.

The Yemeni parliament tried in February to pass a law, setting the minimum marriage age at 17. But the measure has not reached the president because many parliamentarians argued it violates sharia, or Islamic law, which does not stipulate a minimum age.

What twelve year old girls should be doing, rather than getting married to 24 year old men and dying in childbirth, is hanging JoBros posters on their bedroom walls and watching the Disney Channel – texting their BFFs and going to middle school dances.  So sad.

normal_rols1

What I saw today…public eating – blech!!

Let me clarify the “public” part of that title. Restaurants are in public, and strangely, people eating in restaurants does not bother me. I guess maybe I don’t look at them. I sit at my table, I pay attention to my company, and I eat my food. The public eating that bugs the everloving shit out of me is the kind where you almost are run down by someone shoving the tip of a banana in their mouth. UGH!!!

1woman-eating-a-banana-1

 

So yesterday my family and I went into a rest stop somewhere on I-95 around lunchtime. I won’t bitch about the filthy family restroom that smelled like some asshole whipped it out and pissed allllllll over the entire room. It was pretty effing gross though, especially taking small children in there and expecting them to stand stock still and not touch anything. RIGHT. You just feel like a horrible parent for subjecting them to that. You’d think someone would clean that shit up at some point, right??? UGGH!

No, it was after that - I went into the little store there to see if they had something we could eat. A week long vacation sandwiched between 2 fifteen hour roadtrips = lots of fast food and we were sick of it. I checked the sandwich area of the shop and found some good stuff, so I went out to the bench to gather my family and get them to choose a lunch item or two. Walking back into the shop some dumb bitch who must have been jonesing for a banana for three days nearly ran us over. She was literally 5 steps from the cash register and had the fucking thing peeled and primed. YUCK!!!

All I’m saying is that if you are walking around from one place to another, just wait a couple of minutes before you make an animal of yourself!  Seriously -  are you really in that much of a yank to get a piece of fruit into your mouth that you can’t just hang on for 3 minutes? That lady seriously would have been in her car in 2 or 3 minutes – tops! Plus, the banana was really gross looking -  it had lots of brown spots. I would think someone would buy that shit if they were potassium-deficient and just needed a quick Vitamin K boost, not because they were actually wanting to eat it. Then again, I wouldn’t eat a banana if I was paid $1000 so no bananas look appealing to me.  

One time someone came to my house and walked in taking the last few frantic bites of an apple. She literally lives a minute from me. Could she not just take 5, relax and eat her apple at home or did she want to make sure I knew she was a fruit eater?? Pissed me right off! Plus I then had to deal with her old apple core in my garbage. YUCK!!!

The only person who I could actually watch eating and not be grossed out about it, would be My Joe Jonas – maybe not bananas though – not sure.

joe-jonas eating

Douche Nozzle of the Millenium

Dick face say what?? This is just too much. Evidently, Jon Gosselin has been invited to host a pool party at MGM Grand’s Wet Republic.  An announcement was sent saying “America’s favorite father” would be at the party for “a little R&R and will be hosting poolside.”

I’ve yet to  confirm this on the MGM site but People among other mags are reporting it.

54427_nqentlwh9w_l

All I can say is if this is America’s Favorite Father we’re in deep shit. This motherfucker ditched his wife and EIGHT (8) children to run around banging bitches and drinking and smoking up ciggies. And his main Ho is a pothead! This ain’t any type of father I’d wish for in a zillion years. 

293_gosselin_glassman_071409

hailey-glassman-party-girl-2

The type of father Jon Gosselin should aspire to be is the type that My Joe Jonas has. It’s very clear the man has done all he can to raise his sons to be good men.

j-5

Michael Jackson’s Daughter Paris

I haven’t blogged about MJ’s death or any of the craziness since, until now. Years ago when the Jackson children started popping up I called it immediately that Prince was not a bio child of MJ. Then Paris shows up and again, I knew immediately she was not his. As soon as he died, I knew there was gonna be lots o drama surrounding the paternity and maternity of these children and that custody battles would be aplenty. Honestly, those kids never had a chance at a normal life from the get-go, but then MJ has to up and die…now they are royally fucked.

According to TMZ, Mark Lester, who is an actor of some sort…never heard of his ass until now…claims to be the bio dad to Paris Jackson. He says he was a long-time friend of MJ who asked Lester to donate sperm while MJ was married to Debbie Rowe.

0808_paris_lester_bn2

The photo above does little to assist in a comparison between potential father and daughter, however, the photo of Lester’s 15 year old daughter Harriet shows some common traits between the two girls. 

0808_paris_harriet_notw

Evidently, Lester says he has “concerns about the welfare and upbringing of the children.”  Well, you know what dude, you never seemed to have a problem with it while they were living with a drug addict, so STFU and leave her where she is.  Anyway you can read the article in News of the World if you feel so inclined.

Someone else who had a striking resemblance to another person and yet another topic I have yet to write about is My Joe Jonas and his clone ex-girlfriend Camilla Belle. They’ve broken up. She broke his heart. That bitch. Well, it’s better that it happened now before she gave him an STD, which you all know damn well she would have.

joe_jonas_dating_camilla_belle_0_0_0x0_400x297

Joe, baby…you don’t need a girlfriend who has been photographed all over the world with all different men for the last year you’ve been dating her.  She’s been banging all these guys left and right. You deserve better, and you will find love. If I could, I would comfort you in your time of sadness and make you forget all about that skanky ho.

 

Baby Drama not involving Octo-Mom

Update: Alfie was not the father. The skank girl took a guess based on who she’d been having sex with. Holy shit.

Honestly, few things shock me anymore. Just last night, a plan crashed in a neighborhood just a scant few miles from where we used to live just 5 months ago. In thinking about it, my husband very well could have been on that commuter flight on his way home from one of his weekly business trips. Waking up this morning to see this on the news was a bit shocking. Then I saw the article from The Sun about little Alfie Patten. 13 years old, pictured with the new baby sister he fathered with his 15 year old girlfriend.

s-baby-boy-large

Even though he is 13, Alfie appears to be no older than a 7 or 8 year old, and it’s reported that his voice hasn’t even changed yet. He hasn’t gone through puberty, yet this little boy has fathered a child.

I hope and pray that the parents of these two children will do the right thing for this new baby and place her up for adoption. Since Alfie doesn’t really get “pocket money” from his dad, I’m not sure how supporting a baby is in his future.

Also, my own dad (who is a lot like John McCain), was 23 when he fathered me and he had no idea what to do. He has no idea how to love another person, including his children. What’s Alfie going to do? I’ll tell you what…he’s going to ruin that baby’s life not to mention his own.

Sad sad sad.

On a happy note, My Joe Jonas is 19 1/2 years old and has no children.

b31

What I saw Today…

Well, technically I saw it last night.  We went to a college bar to meet up with my brother, who is in law enforcement, and evidently those types of individuals frequent this college hang out. Whatever.

As I was sitting at the bar, enjoying a bottled beer (remembering my own college days of cheap draft beer) along came two young (maybe less than 21 years old) college girls who sat at the bar drinking muddy-looking fruity-ish cocktails out of pint glasses.  As the evening progressed, one of the girls got really loud and really offensive. Lord knows, we loves us some swear words…but they are normally not shouted at 100 decibels higher than the din in a college sports bar. 

I glanced over at the loud mouth just in time to see that she was also a big mouth…literally. She had turned over a tall beer glass and grotesquely squeezed the bottom completely into her pie hole. This caught the eye of the bartender, who then engaged her in a conversation about what I can only assume was blow jobs. I heard bits and pieces as the girls head oscillated from her friend to the bartender to the strangers on the other side of her, making sure everyone could hear her. As her face turned our way I heard her talking about lip gloss, someone wouldn’t do it so she stepped in, ummmmm…..wow. So in some ways, college has not changed, they still have slutty hogs.  Just seemed like when I was there they weren’t as loud and proud about it??  Anyway, all I can say is YUCK.  In my humble opinion, being demure has so many more advantages. 

a) People don’t look at you like you’re an idiot because you are not simulating fellatio.

b) You don’t get a nasty reputation

c) boys don’t give you attention just to get a piece and then leave you feeling like a huge loser.

d) years later when you are married with children, you can live without regret knowing you had respect for yourself and your body while you were growing up even though now when you look in the mirror after a shower you think maybe a little more sexy times when you actually were sexy would have been worth it, but no… the cost (STDs, pregnancy, AIDS, bad rep, feelings of self-loathing) would have outweighed the benefits (being popular for a night?).

e) you might actually find yourself a nice boy who will marry you because he respects you.

This blogger does understand, however, that there are some girls who are just wired to be whores. I mean someone has to keep the porn industry afloat, no?  Plain and simple, it has definitely come to my attention that some people enjoy being promiscuous.  Good luck to all of those people, finding respect from others and having self-respect in the future – it may present some challenges for you.

And to anyone not yet at this point in their lives, always remember to make your mother proud of you.  Just what My Joe Jonas says the boys do in a People Magazine article from September 11th, 2008. 

“You know, we’re just trying our best every day,” Joe told reporters. “We’re just trying to make our mom proud every day.”

jonas_brothers

What the hell is happening in the U.K.??

Yesterday I posted This story about Missy Quinn, the 16 year old who married her 17 year old boyfriend in the U.K. The classy affair was replete with gowns fashioned from girdles sewn to bras, and a coochie, cleavage and midriff baring wedding dress. There was more missing to the dress than what was actually there. Well today I found more pictures. Seems as though the Quinn family was not the only clan to partake in the exhibiting of pure brainlessness. Check out the attire donned by members of the wedding party and the 6 year old strippers. Honestly, how police weren’t called is beyond me. In the United States, someone would have been arrested in this debacle. There are just so many things wrong in these photos on so many different levels, it would be difficult to even try to dissect them.

The family lives in a Caravan park, which I guess is like a trailer park? Missy met her husband when she was 13 at an amusement park and she says of her £100,000 bash (incidentally about five times the cost of the average wedding in the U.K.),  “I wanted a proper Cinderella wedding. A day where I’d be the centre of attention. It cost a fortune, but I’ve always wanted a big wedding and my dad has been saving for ages to pay for it.”

m’kay, she’s always wanted a big wedding. She is SIXTEEN YEARS OLD!!!! How the fuck long could she have been thinking about a wedding? And also, it’s nice to know her dad anticipated his daughter getting married  as a child and has been saving for it. Holy shit when I was 16 I was in 10th grade thinking about going to dances and hanging out at the arcade and flirting with boys, having sleep overs with my friends, and all that kid stuff. When I got married at 25 I was still thinking MAYBE I was too young. This is just mind boggling!

Missy goes on. “I just knew he was The One from the beginning. I’ve never dated anyone else. He’s perfect.”

Missy, at 16 has dated one boy and knew this one was perfect and “the One”???  Didn’t anyone think to tell her that 17 year old boys are stinky, hormonal, and just into being 17 year old boys and not husbands?? Evidently no one alerted the husband to these things, but I bet he is soon going to find out. Being Missy’s husband is going to have some pretty unique challenges, I’m afraid! 

For her career, Missy has things all planned out. I shit you not, “I want to spend my days applying make-up and styling my hair. I want to get into glamour modelling. I don’t know if Thomas will like it, but that’s his problem,” she says.

Wow. Sounds like Missy and Thomas are going to have a really happy marriage. Especially given how she feels about taking care of her husband:

“Thomas might expect me to cook and clean, but I’m not going to. He can look after me as far as I’m concerned!”

Oh Missy. I do hope Daddy has saved up for your divorce.

I’m sure when My Joe Jonas gets married he will have a normal wedding to an adult woman who will be happy to cook for him among many, many other things. Poor Thomas. Only 17 and already lost his nuts to a bitchy, spoiled little daddy’s girl.

Note to self of the day:

When my daughters are 16, do not allow them to attempt anything remotely similar to the following fuckery:

Meet 16 year old Missy Quinn and her 17 year old husband. The couple is flanked by Missy’s parents. Evidently, Missy’s Mom forgot part of her outfit at home. Looks like she got a Victoria’s Secret Wonderbra and a mint green girdle of some sort. Speaking of forgetting something, where the hell is the rest of Missy’s wedding dress? And why the hell is Missy wearing a wedding dress? She is SIXTEEN years of age!

Talk about a family needing a Supernanny! They should have called in JoJo years ago and asked her to become part of their family because these two “parents” obviously had NO idea what they were doing.

If you care, you can read all about it Here. If nothing else, it’s just a great lesson for today for all parents and possibly some great reassurance that you’re probably parenting much better than you thought you were.

Missy’s parents could have saved themselves a lot of bullshit by using parenting techniques similar to those of My Joe Jonas’ parents. They seem to be doing things pretty well, parenting 4 boys, three of whom are international super stars and seem as down-to-earth as they could be.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.