That Guy Died?

I’m a day late and a dollar short as they say on the Simon Monjack fuckery, so I’m just gonna throw in a WTF?! to make it seem like I’m interested – seriously, I’m not THAT cold hearted but I thought he was an enabler to his wife Brittany Murphy who died 5 months ago. Turns out, it was probably a co-dependency that led to their deaths. I have a huge problem with people doing drugs and I don’t have the energy for a diatribe on Simon Monjak so I’m just gonna say THAT guy died! and move on to the next guy who died.

So:

THAT guy died? This is Paul Gray, the bass player for the heavy metal band Slipknot.  All kinds of bitches who knew this dude claim he was the nicest guy in the world. That’s awesome. He was, at the time of his death, staying at a hotel a couple of minutes from his home. He’d been there a few days. He’s a known drug user. All of that goes to show, even the nicest guy in the world might be hiding something. So it’s possible that at the age of 39 this guy checked into a hotel room a few miles from his home to die in peace of natural causes. I guess it’s possible.

Larry King messing around on his wife?

File this bad boy under ”shit I don’t & will never get”.  The world’s goofiest geriatric, Larry King is married to a pretty hot piece, if I’m thinking like a 50 year old man, and if I’m a betting man, I bet Shawn Southwick has a pretty decent prenup. She’s gonna need it considering Pepaw has been getting his ancient-ass groove on with her sister, who I HOPE is like 75 years of fucking age or I think I might end up vomiting. No, you know what? I need to state my opinion on this shit and move ON, never to think of it again.

Ok, so here’s the scoop.

 This guy:

plus this gal:   

Gives mama the heebie jeebies in a big way. TMZ reports that Larry has been having an affair for 5 years with Shawn’s sister, buying her diamond necklaces, cars, and lots of other expensive shit, using a credit card to pay for all of it. Great-Grandad’s Business Manager pays his bills so Shawn never knew anything about it. 

Evidently, there were recent murmurings of Shawn having an affair with her sons’ baseball coach. I guess I never really figured Shawn would be exclusive with Larry King – I figured she was a trophy wife and that she’d be getting satisfied by dudes with working penises now and again. If you married an 87 year old man, wouldn’t you have a line in the contract stating specifically that you would be entitled to spa days (and by spa days of course I mean hot sex sessions with gorgeous younger men) ? 

And what the hell is up with Shawn’s sister? She couldn’t find her own Civil War survivor to have an affair with? Maybe my thinking is way off. Maybe dudes with paper-thin skin, dentures and walkers are the kind of men women should be lusting after.

I don’t know, let’s do a side-by-side comparison:

I think my point has been made, people. Shawn, you are going to go forth from this divorce known as $hawn with the cash you will make from your prenup. Get yourself an age-appropriate man and enjoy yourself. No More PePaw shit!!!!

Douche Nozzle of the Millenium – Jesse James

So the Tiger Woods sex scandal was pretty crazy, epecially because you just weren’t expecting him to be a sex freak with all the dirty sexting and him getting on his ambien freak and everything. For me it wasn’t the volume of women, it was the sordid details that kind of shocked me.  And I have always said, after 911 shocking me is next to impossible. Not that any of this sex scandal stuff is more shocking than 911, please don’t get me wrong…it’s just that I read or hear about some of it and actually am taken aback.  Actually I look at it and think, “Wow. Now that’s some crazy shit!” and not a lot makes me think that these days.

So Tiger, he’s a douche, yes. He fucked up his marriage, he disrespected his family – you might even say he ruined his family. He brought 2 children into this world and fucked them over. He’s an ass of epic proportions. 

But Jesse James…it just keeps getting more and more fucked up.  First, there’s the Heil Hitler picture that’s now out there. 

Evidently it’s from before he and Sandy were married. It’ sick, whether it was a joke or not. Who jokes about Hitler? A seriously fucked-in-the-head individual is who.

The shit obviously started hitting  the fan when Michelle “Bombshell” McGee stepped forward as whore #1 and now we’re not only up to #5, but we’re gonna throw a foursome with 2 bitches and a dude into the mix.  And Jesse James & the dude taking turns on the one woman named “skittles” (could a porn company actually write this story?) and Jesse wasn’t even wearing a condom – and the other dude thinks maybe he, himself tied off the finger of a latex glove but even he’s not sure about that…now that’s some shit that makes me think, “what the fuck is wrong with people? Seriously.”

You look at that shit and think, “Why?” Well, probably because Sandy Bullock is a normal, sweet lady. She’s probably not a whore in the bedroom.  She might try to be, knowing that her husband was married to a porn star, so she probably pulled out her best ho moves, but women like Sandy Bullock don’t have that deep down dirty shit in their repertoire that can satisfy a man-whore like Jesse James.   Apparently he’s the kind of guy who wants not only a whore in the bedroom, but now it’s becoming clear he just likes filthy whores anywhere he can get them.

Check the article at The Huff-Post for the gory details. Beware, as if it were possible to have any respect remaining for Jesse James, any iota that even the most disgusting pig has toward him will be gone after you read this. He’s simply the douche nozzle of the millenium as far as I’m concerned.

Proof that God Messes Up Sometimes

Thanks to Michael K. at Dlisted for calling this shit to my attention, because I needed one more thing to stress about today.

I have vascillated most of my adult life between being semi-religious, mostly spiritual and then totally teetering on edge of being agnostic.  This shit right here might push me overboard. How can shit get done THIS wrong the first time?

Meet Balian Buschbaum, formerly Yvonne Buschbaum. 

He was born a girl thirty years ago in Ulm, Germany.  She, Yvonne, became a world record holder/phenom in pole vaulting, but decided to quit all of it, the vaulting, the vagina – everything – to become a man.

So here’s where you lose me – I’ve looked over the photos of Balian, and nowhere can I see a hint of Yvonne. A little bit of gayness – like a slight effeminate quality where I may have looked at him and thought, “yeah now that’s a damn shame for women of the world, ’cause that Dude right there likes kissing boys.” 

But at no time would I have looked at him and said, “Now wait just a second, that dude used to be a chick!” No way. So there’s where my faith is coming into question – ’cause if God were God, and I’m not saying he’s not, this is hypothetical…but wouldn’t people just be born the way they were supposed to be? No where in my logical thinking can I come up with the notion that Yvonne should have stayed a girl. She was supposed to be a boy. Period.

I’m glad he is finally getting to be who he was supposed to be after 30 years in the wrong body.

Corey Haim Dead at Age 38

Not to seem like a cold-hearted bitch, but I am so sick and tired of people doing fucking drugs. Life sucks unless you find something worth living for – so get off the smack and go fucking find it! Corey Haim, who was an 80′s kid star struggled with drugs for years is now dead at the age of 38 of a drug overdose.

In the 2000′s, he admitted that he had an 85 valium a day habit (in addition to other pills) 85 fucking valium a day, how the fuck did he live through that?! I take 1/4 of a benadryl and my husband has to check to make sure I haven’t slipped into a coma.

So, hell – looks like ’10 is off to a great start with more Hollywood types kicking the bucket because they can’t kick the drugs. Look out Lindsay Lohan, I think you’re on the short list, girl.

Come out to play and Douche Nozzle of the Week

It’s only Tuesday and we’re being inundated with the gays coming out of the closet! Well, so far only 2 that I know of but who didn’t already call it on Sean Hayes? Come on – you’re blind and deaf if you didn’t know Sean was a boy lover. And he does say that he was never actually “in” so I don’t know why this makes news. Anyhoo…..

In other gay news, Douche Nozzle of the week is Sen. Roy Ashburn came out as a gay man (duh) after being arrested on a DUI when leaving a gay bar with a man in his vehicle.  What you have to love is the fact that this douche nozzle legislated time and again AGAINST gay people. It’s a political thing, I guess – you want to be a Republican so you have to do what all the other thugs do.  I wonder if a guy like this, while getting a BJ from some dude, is dreaming up all the ways he can relinquish his own civil rights by writing and fighting for legislation to take them away.

 And seriously? Look at this guy! Is there even a question in anyone’s mind that he was ever IN the closet?

Since they’re jumping out right and left wearing their mother’s New Year’s Eve dress and satin pumps, let’s talk about some others who are on the fringe who should just get it out there and let everyone  stop wondering and get on with their lives. Next week I would like to see Anderson Cooper, Kate Walsh (and her husband), and my entire college softball team (a couple are out, a couple are in lesbian relationships and not “out” somehow, and a couple are married with kids. I think I was the only one not gay and they picked on me all the time.)

So kids, come on out – it’s time to play!

Trouble in Paradise

I’ve been holding my tongue on this whole Kevin Jonas marriage. I have some very specific thoughts on this that I won’t get into at this time. I find it very sad, though that Kevin had to endure being berated by his bride in the middle of a grocery store because it was Valentine’s Day and they were in a Grocery Store. Well Boo Fucking Hoo!!!  Not cool Dani, not cool at all. Be happy that you found a Famous, Rich nice, handsome man who would take you off your parents’ hands marry you even though you’re just girl from NJ promise before God and the world to love you forever. Who gives a shit if it’s Valentine’s Day and you ran out of TP and coffee?! And besides, you should have dragged your own ass to the grocery store and not made your husband who’s too famous to be at a grocery store anyway go with you.  I’m telling you, Dani – don’t fuck with the Jonas Machine….it’s not gonna be good, sweetie.

Adam Lambert needs to reel it back in a little

My God, Girlfriend – you’ve been a celebrity for a half a second and already we know you like boys but sometimes kiss girls (and trashy-ass ones at that), that you like to criticize other artists talents and abilities, and that you are ok with telling impressionable peeps that drugs are ok.

Sad Week comes to an end

Well if the week started out half way decently, it ended up in the shithole. First we had Andrew Koenig from Growing Pains found dead in a Vancouver park.  From what we hear, he battled depression, yet stopped taking meds a year ago. Kids, this is nothing to fool around with and I tell my mother this all the time because she pulls the same crazy ass shit with all kinds of medications that are designed to make her better.  If you are prescribed something to correct an imbalance in your body, you most likely need either it, or something similar to it. Don’t stop taking your meds, peeps, especially the anti-crazies.

Next, Marie Osmond’s son jumps off a fucking BUILDING in L.A. to take his own life. Are you kidding me? You are a part of arguably one of the most famous families in America – all kinds of money and connections, and you can’t find some help or happiness that you’re gonna throw your ass off a damn BUILDING?! I have to admit there have been a couple of times throughout my life when things seemed pretty bad, and I was in a deep dark place in my mind and spirit. I thought at times I didn’t know how I could go on- but the very last thought I ever had in my mind was to suffer perhaps the most horrifying, brutal death I could suffer at my own hands (short of throwing oneself into a woodchipper or incinerator, I guess).  Michael Blossil was only 18 years old. Already did a stint in rehab, and now he’s dead.  He never fucking even lived. My heart goes out to his entire family.

Bottom line, people need to get some help and talk it out, bitches – you may be suffering but try to imagine the anguish you are going to put countless people through if you kill yourself. Suicide is never the answer. We all have ways of coping with our depression and anxiety and the most we can hope for is to find a way to overcome it. Once again I will say, if a doctor has prescribed you anti-depressants, do not stop taking them…and if you feel like you are in such a dark place that you have thoughts of harming yourself, check with a doctor – maybe some of these drugs can help you.  So sad – I am going to hope the USA wins this hockey game today and wait for this sad week to be over. Tomorrow better be the beginning to a fabulous week with no sad shit. I want some hollywood bitches to make me piss my pants laughing next week, dammit.

National Suicide Hotline

Douchenozzle of the Week – the kids are probably next.

293_gosselin_glassman_071409

No shit.  Jon Gosselin (one of my least – favoritest peeps)  is giving his dogs back to the breeder because he says Kate is not taking care of them. Blame Kate, she’s just the mother of your eight beautiful children you motherfucking douchebag!!

Here are 2 of the reasons JonnyG is not able to be out and about bangin’ bitches 24/7, so why not just get rid of them?

goss dogs

It started with Kate: she was his #1 barrier so he dumped her ass and got his own NYC bachelor pad. Next the 2 dogs get the boot. Before you know it, he will claim it’s better off for everyone if he just erases himself from the equation. And, honestly, I’m thinking those kids might be better off without a DoucheBag Dad in their lives.

Again I will point out the epitome of fine parenting skills, and those are the ones clearly displayed by the Parents of the Jonai. They have done a fantastic job as far as I can see – keep up the good work Mom and Dad Jonas – you cats rock!!

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picture via jonashq.org

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