Joe on Twitter

So, as much as I am not a fan of Twitter because it seems schitzophrenic to me and being in my 30′s, maybe this chick is just too past my technological prime to really give a shit. However, My Joe Jonas has followed in little brother Nick’s footsteps and gotten himself a Twitter account. Currently, his avatar is a picture of a pancake with a smiley face.  BB, if you are gonna put the total fucking gorgeousness that is YOU on Twitter, and I’m gonna shimmy my ass on over to check out your tweets, let’s go ahead and put your pretty face on there so I have something to look at while doing something I clearly have no business being a part of.

This is what I choose for your pic:

My birthday gifts for Joe

Today is all about the total fucking gorgeousness that is My Joe Jonas. Tomorrow is my dog’s 1st birthday but that little asshole isn’t getting anything from me. He’s sweet when he sits on my lap and takes a doggy nap but other than that he’s a total douche bag, barking, trying to run away, chewing everything in sight, etc.  His gift is being able to live here another day because I’m about to let him run away.

Back to Joe. This year there are a few things I would like to give him:

1) A mended heart. True, last year he broke Taylor Swift’s heart and I totally <3 that girl and thought what happened was sad, but I wasn’t part of the relationship so I have no idea what happened and why. But now, My Joe Jonas is clearly sad about being dumped and that sucks. I will make you better, bb.

2) sorry, but … a new hairstylist. Not loving what you are doing with the locks, baby boy. It’s too bushy – kind of like Nick’s last year afro. Out of control, not cool and smooth like what you needs to be rockin’!

3) An intimate audience to whom you can give a private one-man concert. You’re welcome!!

O Happy Day!! BTW I’m fairly certain the photo below is fake. You know there’s no way in hell Joe would ever be allowed to pose with his ass hanging out, but I like to imagine it to be so.

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Happy 20th Birthday, Baby Doll!

Happy Happy Birthday, My Joe Jonas! 

When I see you I’ll give you

your birthday spanking. <3 

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My Joe Jonas’ New Swimsuit

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You know this is not Joe, but I so imagine it is. I feel like his ass is probably not smooth like this unless he gets it waxed because he has a pretty hairy chest and he is only 19.  So, no one is perfect, not even my Joe Jonas. I love that this Ricky Berens ripped the ass end out of his suit and dove into the pool anyway and also I believe qualified for something or other in the championships. Not interested in swimming, at all. Good for Ricky Berens. Did you know who he was before you saw his bare ass? I didn’t either.

I’m still gonna imagine it’s My Joe Jonas’ ass. For those who don’t want to do that, here’s his actual face in all its total fucking gorgeousness:

Joe-Jonas-new-hair

JoBros 3D movie out February 27th!

 


You KNOW this blogger, of course, will be front and center at the JoBros 3D movie with my 3D glasses and my photographic memory, so that I can relive the scenes with My Joe Jonas over and over and over again in my mind. Do you think people will think I’m weird that I’ll be alone, as in – no tweens, no teens, etc. I don’t need anyone bugging me while I watch.


I also will be DVR’ing the JoBros on SNL on Valentine’s Day. How wonderful is this Valentine’s day going to be?…My Joe Jonas, SNL, maybe I will have a couple of chocolates. I don’t know – I haven’t really thought that far ahead to be making concrete plans yet….but I will.


Check this out:
am1


Nothing to do with the movie, but pure gorgeousness.

Vicky Lou Who??

Victoria Beckham famously had a nose job some years ago. Maybe I’ve only ever seen her from the front view, because while reading Perez this evening, I spotted this side shot and HOLY WHO!

Behold Posh Spice in all of her Who-ness (accompanied of course, by photos of her bretheren):

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Now for a non-Whoville profile of just downright total fucking gorgeousness:

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He got robbed.

I’m still incredulous about Robert Pattinson being cast as Edward Cullen in Twilight over My Joe Jonas, but this has me even more dumbfounded: Hugh Jackman has been named People’s Sexiest Man Alive.

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HUGH FUCKING JACKMAN????????? I’m sorry people but anyone who gets photographed with a busted up look like this

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doesn’t deserve the title of Sexiest Man Alive. Are you telling me the man whose entire body is ripped has absolutely no facial muscles to prevent the type of shit shown above??????

Allow me to present what should have been this year’s cover:

people-cover

Christ, even My Joe Jonas’ gay brother Kevin made the list. Hope People gets it right next year!!

Making up after our first fight.

So, amidst all of the press garnered by the break up of the relationship that “never was” between My Joe Jonas and Taylor Swift, Joe has taken to the boys’ official MySpace blog to clear some things up for all of us worrying about the situation and for some of us who may have thought less of him because of it…I think he read my blog entry about our first fight and wrote this for me:

Thursday, November 13, 2008

 

A LETTER TO OUR FANS
Category:
Life

To Our Fans from Joe, Kevin and Nick:

It is our normal rule to avoid talking about our private lives. It seems that it has come to the point where we must address a few things. We would prefer to address these things and then leave it alone from that point forward.

We felt like it was important to respond because recent events have affected our fans. It is important to us as artists and brothers to enlighten regarding this situation. Our fans are the most important thing to us.

There are rumors and suggestions that are being publicized in the press right now about us. Like all people our age we are trying to find someone special that we can share time with in our busy lives. We all have busy schedules and high demands. We love our life and are thankful for all that we have. We are simply stating that it is difficult to maintain relationships with the kind of life we live.

We love our fans and it is important to us to protect that relationship.

To Our Fans from Joe:

This blog is not an attack of anyone. Anytime you are in a relationship for any length of time there are going to be issues. Sometimes they resolve. Other times they lead to a change of heart. This was the case recently.

Several things I will state with all my heart…

I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me.

For those who have expressed concern over the “27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. A phone call can be pretty short when someone else ends the call. The only difference in this conversation was that I shared something the other person did not want to hear.

There were later attempts at communication that had no response.

I wish the best for the other person but could not sit back any longer and leave our fans with a wrong impression of the truth.

Hope this helps enlighten a little.

We love you and miss you

Joe, Kevin and Nick

Well, if it’s true that she hung up the phone on his ass then she needs to quit bitching about it.

I still think he needs to stop with the dating of his twin…The total Total Fucking Gorgeousness would just be too much for a person to handle if there were 2 Joes walking around.

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Plus, if things worked out and they got married and procreated, the eyebrows on that kid would be ridiculous. A gorgeous kid with ridiculous eyebrows that would need to be groomed on the way out of the womb. No, my Sweet, better to end things with her now and find someone who looks less like you and more like me. Oh wait. Did I say that? Oops.

That other one could perhaps join the group as a sister – oh that’s right, they already did that:

PG-13 Movies are rated PG-13 for a reason.

Our family does Friday Movie Night and the kids freaking LOVE it, so no matter what, we all get in front of the tv together on Friday evenings. Some weeks the movie is animated, since we do have a 3 and 6 year old. There have, however, been times when we have opted for a movie with people…examples of which are The Waterhorse and The Spiderwick Chronicles. Last week, we rented Get Smart. Lots of adult content went over Karly’s head – she’s 3, some over Bailey’s head, she’s 6. Near the end of the movie, the bad guy escapes the rooftop leaving Agents 86 and 99 to fend for themselves. Agent 86, played by Steve Carell, shouts, “What a douche!”

From there, everything went downhill.

Bailey: What’s a Douche?

Mommy: Ummmmm, what?

Karlynne: You know, Bailey it’th from Kug Foo Peenda!!

Mommy (quick on her feet) That’s right, Skidoosh!!

Movie: You’re an ass.

Karlynne: He thaid You an Ath.

Mommy: I know.

Karlynne: You an Ath.

Bailey: giggling.

and we can now add another coin to our crappy parenting bank. Thank you.

Can’t wait until Walter the Farting Dog comes out starring none other than My Joe Jonas (and the other 3 brother), My girls will be making farting noises for the next 2 years ’cause when the DVD comes out I will be first in line to buy it. What’s sad is that you know that shit is totally true.

It’s the Fucking Gorgeousness, people. It’s out of my hands.

Bryant Park

I bet breakfast was interesting.

I’m just picturing this. After a party at a Boston College dorm, this kid has to get up and go to the dining hall because after all the draft beer and shots he needs some greasy eggs stat! He sees the crime that has been committed to his entire body and decides there’s no sense in trying to hide it because it’s totally impossible. So he puts on a wife beater and some baggy jeans where his boxers stick up out of the back. He saunters into the dining hall to commence the “I got chiefed” walk of shame. And the crime scene evidence:

 

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Notice how someone had the forethought to bring several different colors of Sharpies to this shin dig. Also, I really like the special touches they added like the red nose and lips. Guy must have been seriously out of it to not notice someone coloring with a felt tip marker on his lips. What am I talking about. Of course he was out of it. He could have had his nut sack pierced and wouldn’t have moved an eyelash.

Evidently among the party goers were some burgeoning artists from all fields of study. The Sex Ed majors cleverly drew cocks and balls all over their comatose comrade. I sense there were some history majors at the party as well. They must be covering WWII Germany as I can make out a couple of swastikas. The Pagan Theology students were there as well, making their mark with the pentagram, and I’m thinking it was the Performing Arts/Theater kids who did the face makeup.

The real story is supposed to be about the Patriots cheerleader who took part in the activities and posted the pictures on her Facebook page. I could give a shit about her. The unsung hero of this is clearly the drunk dude who got Chiefed Cock & Balls style. Hope he didn’t have a trip home to Mom and Dad planned in the days following this party.

caitlincock

Someone you can bet will not fall victim to being chiefed? My Joe Jonas. He obviously takes pride in himself and the alledged purity ring symbolizes abstinence from alcohol. Thank God – I would not want to see the mess above on this fucking gorgeousness!

 

Joe Jonas

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